Dear Reverend,
My boyfriend convinced me to try anal a while ago. To be clear: I was the receiver, not him. It wasn't all that bad, but I told him that I didn't feel the need to ever do it again. Since then, on more than one occasion when we've been having sex, he has "slipped" into my back door. Every time it happens, he says it's an accident and is very apologetic, but I'm not so sure I believe him. Could he be doing it on purpose?
South End Surprise (female, 27)
Dear South End Surprise,
First of all, you shouldn't have to be "convinced" to try any sort of sexual activity. I'm going to read that as the two of you discussed it and decided to give it a go, because if there was any sort of coercion on his part, there's just nothing OK about that.
Anal sex isn't something that should ever be sprung on someone by surprise. Not only can it be painful, but it's also extremely unsanitary to go from the anus straight back into the vagina — or any other body part, for that matter. Any time fecal matter may be involved — be it with a penis, a hand or a toy — there needs to be a good washing before moving on.
Accidental anal certainly is possible if you're lubed up like a Slip 'N Slide and he's thrusting around all willy-nilly, but it seems like something that shouldn't happen too often. I'd suggest trying less lubrication and positions where you are more in control of the pace.
If you really think that he's been doing this on purpose, you need to have a very serious talk about it with him. Ask him how he'd feel if you "accidentally" slipped a finger — or better yet, a dildo — into his anus while you're having sex. Perhaps the mere suggestion of that possibility would be enough to nip the problem in the bud. Or, more aptly, the butt.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend