Dear Reverend,
I believe my boyfriend of 10 years is cheating on me. He disappears late at night, doesn't come home until two in the morning and has his phone off the whole time he's gone. When he comes back, he's showered and says he was at his friend's house. His friend lives far away and gets up really early for work, so I don't believe his story. He does this at least five, six, seven times a month. He also disappears during the day, turns off his phone and says he was fishing. He won't let me see his phone. He's cheated on me before. I keep asking him if he's cheating, and he won't be honest about it. What do I do?
Debbie Duped (woman, 41)
Dear Debbie Duped,
Your boyfriend's behavior is beyond fishy.
If you had nine and a half wonderful, trouble-free years with this guy, it might be worth giving him the benefit of the doubt. While it's certainly possible that he isn't cheating on you, the fact that he's done it before leads me to agree with your belief that he's up to no good. On the off chance that he isn't cheating, his actions are still simply unacceptable.
My question for you is this: Why are you staying with someone who treats you so badly?
It's either because you've been together for so long or you don't believe you deserve any better. Both of those ideas are just plain hooey.
Investing more time in a bad relationship just because it has already lasted a long time doesn't make it any better. In fact, it can just make things worse. You deserve a relationship based on love and respect just as much as anybody else. Period.
Trust and honesty are two foundations of a solid relationship, and it sounds like you don't have either one of those things with this guy. It's time for you to cut bait. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend